idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You left your phone here
Wait...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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