now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
