First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize