Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
