I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
