i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
