New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So vagazzling was a success
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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