You just made me feel so damn special
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
