Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
