Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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