i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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