Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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