Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize