so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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