Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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