I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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