Little spoons don't ask big questions
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
