I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
