if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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