my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
