It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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