Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
