You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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