He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
