I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
