apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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