Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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