Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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