The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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