Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
North Korea, Best Korea!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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