I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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