Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
