next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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