What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
