We got so high we made milksteak
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
