Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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