Your dad touched me again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Drake has all the answers
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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