Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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