Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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