I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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