I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
