You just made me feel so damn special
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
