and i looked up. we had an audience...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
