I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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