She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
