is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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