I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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