This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
