If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
