I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize