I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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