Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
