and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
