You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Pants are for mortals
I party with great urgency now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
