I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
