Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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