Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
