I need help removing her.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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