Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
