Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dicks are not precious.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
