Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
