I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
