dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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