Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
