I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
