look no pants
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
