My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
