She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
