what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
