Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
