Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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