My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
