I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
