look no pants
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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