No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
