He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
