I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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