apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize