That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He better not be in your backpack
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
