I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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