He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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