I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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