I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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