let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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