My friends, they love my intelligence
My pussy is not your playground.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
