Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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