Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize