people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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