my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
