she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
