Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
