a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
