Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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