Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
