She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Found the puke drawer
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize