The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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