the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
