Pappa wants mamma naked
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Shame - the story of my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
