sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize