I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
