So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize