He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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