I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's rum buckets o'clock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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