TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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