New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
