"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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